Still dealing

I decided not to get the hand splits for little miss. There concern was her keeping them fisted at night and having them stay that way. She doesnt do this however ( CHOP drives me insane ) when shes relaxed her hands are always open. Its A LOT better now through-out the day as well. She is grabing and playing with toys. Her right hand I have to help with a little more but I dont think its anything that requires a splint.
 On the note of "average" baby stuff, she has a new sitter which we love love love. So instead of trying to get her into she special needs daycare, I think Meg will be more then perfect unless she ever develops more complications she wouldnt be able to handle. Also, need to get on this sleep training thing and stick with it. Just kills me to hear her fuss or cry. But its killing Jess and I to be up late trying to rock her to sleep. I think it just disrupts her as well.
 I would love to be able to stay home with her. Ugh, just dont see it ever beeing possible.
We did get her into seeing PT and OT every other week. Other then that nothing crazy coming up for a while. This month has been quiet as far as doctor appointments go.
 Oh, I dont think I commented on the EEG, it is still clear of seizures :) Thats my biggest fear. I know I am going to just die to witness that. We are so blessed that she is doing so good.
 I had asked the neurologist about things taking a turn for the worse. He basically said its not a degenerative thing where she will get worse necassarily, but that she may not be able to learn to do things like talk, walk, ect. I know it will hurt the most if I never hear her call me "mom".  I am a part of a group of other Schiz moms and I dread asking if its a good sign shes doing so well , meaning do you think she will learn. I know no one has the answers to her future, and I guess I dont really want to know. Or I should say I dont want to hear, what I dont want to hear. So, for now just trying to enjoy every minute and keep faith in my heart that she will be just fine. This is the hardest thing for me from day to day. Not knowing if my baby will be okay. I know I been depressed. And I know I been moody, bitchy, snappy, ect. I know its taking a toll on Jesse and I. He puts up with me though and we push to work through it. I dont think anyone but a mother of this ( or mothers in general ) would fully understand what I am going through and how your heart is constantly hurting even though nothing is "wrong" at the moment.
 We are all going out to dinner for my grandfather birthday tonight. Will be a nice night "out". She does very well wherever we go. She is teething though which is making her exceptionaly fussy. God, they get big too fast. She will be 6 months in 2 short weeks.
                                                                  Little miss sitting up ready to eat

Ari and mommy

Baby girl out soaking up the sun

Daddy's Girl

Arianna in her Easter dress

Her new best friend Loki